I have recently been learning a great deal about what it really means to live “A Course in Miracles.” I’ve been specifically learning the difference between repeating the Course to myself as a reassurance, versus actually putting the principles into action when my ego is in my face, screaming for me to do something. Today’s post is about an experience that was very profound for me. When you focus on the Holy Spirit, Love looks right back at you.
I have some great teachers in my life who never fail to present me with opportunities for forgiveness (and I am saying this lovingly, not sarcastically!).
I’m going to talk about myself in the 3rd person because it helps me separate myself from my ego a bit.
One person has been “hooking” me lately because Corinne feels that she knows what is best for them. This person hasn’t made good business decisions (in Corinne’s judgment) and Corinne would like to see this person start turning to the Holy Spirit rather than trying to do it all alone.
Several weeks ago, I came to the realization that I DON’T need to trust that this person will “do the right thing.” Instead, I came to the recognition that I simply need to trust that the Holy Spirit is in them.
I’m not saying that I trust that the Holy Spirit would lead this person to “do the right thing,” but I simply trust that the Holy Spirit is in them, period. I gave my desire for this person to do things differently to the Holy Spirit (remember, forgiveness means that this judgment that I’m holding is “for giving” to the Holy Spirit).
Fast forward to yesterday, when I was on the phone with this person. They went into describing their elaborate plan that will “save” them and fix their broken financial situation. Rather than get angry at this person for not “trusting” that everything will work out, I was willing to trust that the Holy Spirit is in them, period.
I stared up at the trees as I sat on my back porch, listening. This person’s words, which I continued to listen to and understand, became neutral sounds and syllables. As I gazed at the trees I felt myself feeling removed and unattached to the situation. It was as if I was being lifted “above the battleground” though this experience was rather plain and without any “bells and whistles.” I felt willingness to be led past the picture, to see the truth behind the form.
The emotional reaction that I had to their words was the equivalent to the emotional reaction of “blah blah blah.” I did not feel hooked, I did not feel angry, and instead I felt peace and love as I felt a connection with the truth behind the form.
For about 10 minutes as this person talked, I felt the willingness to continue to see with the Holy Spirit’s vision, guided by the Holy Spirit. I looked with my heart straight past form to the truth beyond it. “I wonder if this is how the Holy Spirit works?” I thought to myself. The Holy Spirit sees our shenanigans and looks straight past them to the truth beyond.
I wanted to stay here. I felt so free. Then the most remarkable thing came out of this person’s mouth. They started talking about their realization that the thrill they feel out of having successes in business is an “ego reaction.” “I never thought I had an ego, and I do,” said this person who is not an ACIM student. They continued to talk about their ego and their newfound awareness of this aspect of themselves.
I was shocked! Suddenly this person was talking about their ego and I’ve NEVER heard them do so before. I smiled, with the feeling that this is what the Course is about. It is not about speaking it, it is not about preaching it, it is about DOING it, even when my ego is screaming that the external picture should be different.
It is also important to note that I did not make this situation happen. Corinne did NOT say to herself, “I’m going to look past the picture to the truth behind it.” All Corinne did was have willingness. Willingness to get out of the way, and willingness see the Holy Spirit in this other person. The situation then came forth as a witness to Love rather than fear.
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