Anxiety sucks, but it can be a catalyst for massive spiritual growth. In this interview on “ACIM Hangout” I share my journey through anxiety and the hard core teachings of “A Course in Miracles” that helped me kick anxiety out the door.
Image courtesy of arztsamui / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
One of my ego’s favorite ways to hook my attention has been through fears of sickness. Worrying about the health of my body has been an ego pattern that has accompanied me throughout most of my life. “The god of sickness” (which the Course says is really a belief in nothing) is something that I’ve chased and looked for my whole life.
To hear Corinne talk about this experience on a recent ACIM study group call, download the mp3 HERE.
I recently had a wonderful opportunity. It was an opportunity to look at my firmly held belief that my body can hurt me. It was an opportunity to look, smack-in-the-face, at my fears about personal sickness.
I’ve always avoided being in the space of “not knowing” if something was wrong with my body. Illness had always terrified me and I’d rush to the doctor at the first hint that something was wrong. Being in a place of suspecting a problem and not knowing the cause was a place I avoided like the plague (pun intended).
To my ego’s (Corinne’s) unhappiness, I was recently in that place of “not knowing” for a span of several months. I had been undergoing a series of lab tests and scans because one inconclusive but abnormal test result lead to another one and then to more. I had moments of feeling terrified, yet there were also moments where I was able to rest in a space of pure innocence, feeling like it was impossible for anything to hurt me.
Having been in similar situations in the past, I was well aware that I had two choices in this situation. I could freak out and sweat it out, only feeling better once I got a clean bill of health, or I could decide to look for my peace where it REALLY can be found. And when I decided that I wanted to find the type of peace that did not depend on the outcome of a test result, I became wholly willing to find it.
Withholding nothing from the Holy Spirit was a key component throughout this process. Every time I felt the fear of sickness arise and the strong pull to believe it, I turned to the Holy Spirit instead, asking to be taught about the UNimportance of the body. As promised in the Course:
“I can be entrusted with your body and your ego only because this enables you not to be concerned with them, and lets me teach you their unimportance.” – ACIM T-4.I.13
Every moment when the fear grew strong, I didn’t dismiss it, I didn’t minimize it, I didn’t make myself try to “feel better” by telling myself that my body would be OK. Instead, I let go of everything, putting it in the Holy Spirit’s arms, trusting that I CAN learn True Healing and the unimportance of the body — with the help of the Holy Spirit. Above all, I recognized this was coming up as an opportunity to look WITH the Holy Spirit at another layer of my blocks to Love, and allow them to be undone as I was willing to let them go.
There were many other ideas from the Course that were key in helping me in this situation, including the Course’s teachings on cause and effect. According to the Course, the last step of the separation was the reversal of cause and effect., and so this is where salvation begins:
“Effect and cause are first split off, and then reversed, so that effect becomes a cause; the cause, effect. This is the separation’s final step, with which salvation, which proceeds to go the other way, begins.” – ACIM T-28.II.8-9.
The way of the world is to think that things “out there” can “cause” me to have a bad day, or can “cause” me to get sick. Even thinking that my body can make me sick is to give the body the power to be able to cause or in other words, create an illness. The Course teaches that this is not true. My body is an effect of my mind, and to find where salvation begins, I became wholly willing to accept that what I was experiencing was coming from my split mind. The situation in which I found myself was coming from my ego, because my ego knew it would be a hook where I would be likely to take the bait to stay in fear. But not this time.
Essentially, working with the spikes of fear boiled down to 3 steps for me.
- Step 1: Every moment when the fear arises (e.g. fears of death or fears of the flu) look at that fear WITH the Holy Spirit, rather than turning away from it or minimizing it.
Suggested self-talk: “I’m willing to look at this WITH you.” “I’m willing to look at my beliefs that are bringing this fear about.” “I am willing to own that this is coming from my split mind.”
- Step 2: Clean up shop and toss EVERYTHING into the Holy Spirit’s hands.
Suggested self-talk: “Take this from me and look upon it, judging it for me” (T-19.IV.C.i.11), “Teach me the right perception of my body” “Teach me how to think like you.” “I withhold absolutely nothing from You. Take it all.”
- Step 3: Seek a moment of quiet.
At times, I felt so much fear that meditation seemed too difficult. Instead, I found that getting on my knees into a prayer pose helped my practice of Step 2. Being in prayer pose helped me to feel like I am done being the maker of my own dream, and I’m ready to let the Holy Spirit take the lead. As I truly relinquished everything, the only thing that remained was joyful quietness and pure peace.
I worked these steps as if my life depended on it (becoming aware of our True Life most certainly DOES depend on this), every single time I felt a spike in of fear. By handing over my fixed false perceptions to the Holy Spirit, I started to experience small glimpses of pure joy, and a feeling that NOTHING can hurt us in Truth. Sickness began to feel utterly preposterous.
“When I am healed, I am not healed alone” – ACIM Lesson 137
When I got the phone call announcing a clean bill of health, my ego was relieved, but my Spirit was untouched, knowing that any picture of the world can’t change the truth of who we are. The ego cannot change Truth. By working the steps above and resting many times in a place of pure joy and innocence, my belief in sickness felt like it was going down the drain.
An unexpected event then occurred. Unknown to me, within one minute of my receiving the phone call with “good news” from my doctor, my mom, while in her kitchen, found herself looking at the clock, distinctly noting that it was 5:31 p.m. She was 75 miles away and unaware that I had gotten the surprise doctor’s call at 5:30 p.m. My mom had been in the midst of a 5-day long cluster-type migraine headache (which often knock her off of her feet for several days per week, every week). One minute before I received the phone call, she experienced a sensation as if several layers of sandbags were being lifted off of her shoulders, resulting in the almost instant dissipation of the headache. Subsequently she was headache free for weeks, which has not occurred in years. This healing did not happen because she was relieved about my news. She had been working the Course as I had been, and we simply both joined in meeting the conditions of peace. It is there where healing happens.
I realized that I have been chasing after the god of sickness my entire life. I looked for him. I sought him out. That is what I’ve always done by running to the doctor out of fear every time I noticed a physical symptom.
Instead of running to the doctor (which wasn’t an option because I was forced to wait things out), I ran to the Holy Spirit. Seriously ran. And I let go more deeply than I thought I could. The miracle that came was a healing for me, my mom, and for anyone who needs it.
The thought then came to me, “The god of sickness is loosening his hold on me” but I was given an immediate correction with a firm “No!” – “I am learning how to let go of the god of sickness.”
To hear Corinne talk about this experience on a recent ACIM study group call, download the mp3 HERE.
Let’s connect!
After having struggled with anxiety for many years, I’m a big fan of inner peace. A HUGE fan. I’ve found that simplicity breeds peace, so naturally, I like to keep things simple.
I have only one New Year’s resolution, which is actually not about New Year’s at all. It is about the way that I choose to live my life, every day of every year. Taking this one step has brought more peace to my mind and to my heart than I ever could have imagined before.
My resolution is simply this:
“I resolve to withhold nothing from my Inner Guide.”
My life, my relationships, my work, my money, my health, my body, my perceptions. It all goes. Every fleeting fear thought, every “tiny scrap of meanness,” every time I’m aware enough to catch a judgmental thought, I bring it to the Holy Spirit.
I used to have resistance to taking certain things, like a relationship or my health, to the Holy Spirit. I preferred the “illusion” of having control over it myself. Yet, I’ve learned that the only place where anything is safe is in our Inner Guide’s Loving Arms. Don’t you think that the Holy Spirit will take better care of it than you will?
I’m a control freak in recovery. I used to chuckle thinking about the fact that if I consciously tried to control and do all that my liver does for my body, I’d be dead in 10 minutes. I don’t know how to do my liver’s job. Yet it is working all of the time, doing exactly what it is supposed to do. I simply need to let it be and not interfere.
The Holy Spirit does not need our involvement in fixing our own perceptions, just like our liver doesn’t need our involvement to do its job. All we need to do is step aside and LET BE. The Holy Spirit is asking us to bring our perceptions to it, so our perceptions can be exchanged for miracles. Our only task is to leave nothing hidden from the Holy Spirit. This is where the work needs to get done. This is the part we have to play.
Wherever life is tripping you up, it is doing so to keep you identified with the ego (aka your personal sense of limited self). Therefore, as the Course says, “Every situation properly perceived becomes an opportunity to heal the Son of God” (Original edition chapter 19, Part I, para. 2)
So look at whatever is coming up for you straight in the face, WITH the Holy Spirit. If something scares you, worries you, or challenges you, say to the Holy Spirit, “I’m willing to look at this WITH you.” Withhold nothing and look at it all.
Change does not need to be forced because you are exactly where you are supposed to be for your own growth and learning. By withholding nothing from the Holy Spirit, the layers of “issues” that we have simply begin to fall away. We find we don’t need them anymore as we learn who we TRULY are, which is not a body.
This is how we learn how to heal, because as we withhold nothing, we learn that we receive everything.
Let’s connect!
“…the truth is true and nothing else is true.” – A Course in Miracles (ACIM)
We need this reminder often, especially this week after the horrific tragedies of the Sandy Hook, CT shootings. Such an event turns all of our worlds upside down, as a massacre of young children and heroic women violates every law we expect that the world would follow. And it is through feeling our world turned upside down, that we are hurled into remembering that the world follows no laws that make sense.
The world provides no safety because it is not our home, and was made apart from Love. Our home and our safety is in our Loving Source, which we only have occasional glimpses of while we believe that we are these bodies.
“…the truth is true and nothing else is true.” – A Course in Miracles
Sit for a moment with the latter part of this sentence, and slowly absorb what it means. There can’t be two opposing forces that are both true. There is only Love, or there is only not-love. Every part of us that suffers is not the truth.
We cannot see two worlds and the one that we do see is very real to us because we want it to be. Because we cannot “see” outside of the world of form, our Loving Source (God) has given us a Guide to see with vision, and that Guide is the Holy Spirit, our Higher Mind. But God does not intrude. God waits for us to ask to see differently with His Help. The body’s eyes will always see what the concrete split mind wants to see to uphold belief in it, however painful the outcome seems. The Holy Spirit waits patiently for us to choose for it.
Yet we have to own, acknowledge, and feel our feelings. We don’t yet know or believe that we are not these bodies. The most loving thing we can do for ourselves is to allow ourselves to be exactly where we are at. It is through our willingness to feel our feelings, and to give them to the Holy Spirit, that we come to have gentle experiences that teach us the truth of what we are. Only by allowing ourselves to go through what we need to go through, can we come to a place of loosening our fixed perceptions.
“The capacity to empathize is very useful to the Holy Spirit, provided you let Him use it in his way.” – Chapter 16 on “true empathy” in ACIM (NOTE: I highly recommend reading this section further)
In loving honor of the victims of the shootings, let us be willing to remember that we are not these bodies. Let us give all of our empathy, our feelings, and our perceptions to the Holy Spirit, to use on behalf of TRUE healing. Let us ask the Holy Spirit for the EXPERIENCE of truth. Our Loving Guide will not fail to bring a miracle and experience of truth, which we will receive the instant we are ready to receive it.
Be willing to look at every belief that this horrific event brings up in you. For me, this event brought many beliefs to the surface of my awareness, which I am willing to look at with the Holy Spirit. Here are a few:
- That the world should follow laws that make sense
- That I really DO believe that the separation has occurred
- That I am my body
- That defense makes me safe.
Leave nothing hidden from the Light of Love. We need to look at every belief and every “scrap of meanness” (ACIM Sparkle edition p.77) that we carry in our own minds, and bring it to the Light. In doing so, we allow ourselves to be healed, and offer healing to the world.
Let us pray to our Higher Mind, “Take this from me and look upon it judging it for me” (A Course In Miracles, FIP T-19.IV.C.i.11).
Feel free to share the beliefs that you are willing to look at with the Holy Spirit, in the comments below.
With so much love to everyone,
Corinne
Let’s connect!
Nov 212012
This Thanksgiving, I am committed to pausing and remembering Truth throughout the day. Although I’m committed to this practice EVERY day, this holiday is another opportunity to put the Course into ACTION. Together, we can practice the true meaning of Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is about giving thanks for what we REALLY are in truth. We are love, we are light, and we are not limited to a pile of clay (aka a body!).
“Praying to Christ in anyone is true prayer because it is a gift of thanks to His Father. To ask that Christ be but Himself is not an entreaty. It is a song of thanksgiving for what you are. Herein lies the power of prayer. It asks nothing and receives everything.” – Song of Prayer
(Note that “A Course in Miracles” refers to “Christ” as our shared Oneness of being.)
Although our ego’s may throw a number of hooks our way during this holiday (think of that relative who easily “pushes” your buttons), remember that as you are willing to see the truth in the other person, you open yourself to becoming willing to KNOW that same Truth within YOURSELF.
The Holy Spirit is in everyone, period. That doesn’t mean at this level of form that they will “do the right thing,” “say the right thing” or act in a way that pleases our egos. What someone else does or says is not our concern and if we engage in conflict, it doesn’t matter in the end whether we are right or wrong. Either way we have chosen to put your belief in the unreal. Our task is simply to be willing to overlook what the picture looks like to our bodies eyes (whether it is a pretty picture or an icky picture), WITH the Holy Spirit as our guide.
Join with me in this Thanksgiving in withholding NOTHING. Every teensy negative thought, every subtle judgment, let’s be willing to look at it ALL with our Inner Guide. As we offer our perceptions to our Inner Guide with willingness to see differently, the shift in perception (the miracle) is instantly given. And we’ll become aware of the miracle when we’re ready to accept it.
I’m really grateful that we are one, that we are forever safe, and that our TRUST in the Holy Spirit is growing.
Happy thanksgiving everyone!
Let’s connect!
When I heard that we were going to get hit by a mutant hurricane in late October, I never would have guessed it would have been as devastating to the Jersey shore and other areas as it was.
Although we made adequate enough preparations for Hurricane Sandy and remained safe in our house, I was not prepared to have all forms of communication down (my landline, cell phone, internet, and television), a potential long-term power outage, the inability to easily get gasoline (no electricity = no working gas pumps, and we need electricity to pump drinking water from our well), and the supermarket potentially closed for days.
I was scared. For about 3 days I was stuck in fear and survival mode and found myself plagued by thoughts about having “enough.” “Will we have enough gasoline to run our generator beyond today?” “Where will we get more gas when we need it?” (We heard of only one open gas station with a 2-3 hour wait and it would likely run out of gas soon.) “Will we have enough food until the supermarkets reopen?” “Do our parents have enough food and water?”
Threats to bodily basic needs are anxiety provoking indeed, because I think the body is me. There has got to be a better way.
Here are some A Course in Miracles-inspired lessons that came forth for me in this experience:
“The ego relishes fear”
For 3 days I made only a meager effort at reducing the level of fear I felt. I wanted the relief from fear to come from outside of myself in the form of knowing my parents had electricity, knowing we had “enough” gas to keep our generator going, or by having our means of communication restored. I felt a surprising resistance to picking up my ACIM book or getting quiet. The fear had a seductive feeling to it… like the ONLY way out of the fear was to fix things “out there.”
The ego becomes strong in strife.
– A Course In Miracles (FIP T-5.III.8)
The ego WANTS me to worry and to stay in fear, because pain is a strong witness that the ego must be real. At times, the fear can feel insurmountable but making a genuine effort to find a little willingness to turn to the Holy Spirit is all that is needed for a shift to occur.
The effort I needed to genuinely turn to the Holy Spirit reminded me of a scene in the 1982 film, Poltergeist, when Diane is frantically trying to reach her kids’ room at the end of the “endless hallway.” As she runs towards the door at the end of the hallway, the hallway stretches out and lengthens, keeping the door out of reach. With a final burst of energy and effort, she is able to reach the door in time to save her children.
This determined effort to run through this “endless hallway” of fear is what I needed to make. It is MY responsibility to take my fearful perceptions to the Holy Spirit, and these were perceptions that my ego WANTED me to hang on to. It was as if I had to keep my mind’s eye fixated on the door of that “endless hallway” (the door being the Holy Spirit), while there were screeching witnesses for fear all over the hallway walls. But the instant my gaze fixated on the door at the end of the hallway, it was immediately within my reach. I just had to make the effort to be willing to not look elsewhere, even if only for an instant.
This required not just a pleading, “Holy spirit help us!” while continuing to generate fear and worry, but a trust that the Holy Spirit is HERE no matter what my body’s eyes are seemingly showing me. Once I touched this, I could start to see the miracles and synchronicities that were already occurring around me: my neighbor offered us use of her gas stove so we could cook our food, another neighbor offered extra gasoline for our generator, we were in the right place to provide someone in need with extra space heaters… and the list goes on.
Self-talk suggestion: “I am willing to look ONLY to the Holy Spirit in this moment, despite whatever it is that my body’s eyes are showing me. Holy Spirit, I bring you everything that I think I see and everything that I am feeling.”
“I very much believe that I am a body, and recognizing this is important”
Intellectualizing the Course and DOING the Course are two different things. The Course assures us that this is all a dream, and that we are not these bodies, but the Course also says that we’ve made this very real for ourselves. We SURE have! Experiencing “threats” to my basic needs showed me how much I still believe that I am a body. And this is not something that I need to worry about correcting on my own. If I try to correct this mistake on my own, I’m doing the Holy Spirit’s job for it, which I am asked NOT to do.
The only way of reversing our “tiny mad idea” of separation is to be exactly where we are at. We cannot pretend that we are anywhere else. If I am scared, worried, or angry, I allow myself to be scared, worried or angry. By accepting where I am at and then taking everything that I think and feel to the Holy Spirit, I open myself to a shift in perception. This shift in perception is ALREADY given, but we won’t see it until we’re ready to see it. We can’t deny what we see alone. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to be our guide to true perception.
By being willing to look WITH the Holy Spirit at how I believe I am a body, I open myself up to having an experience, which will teach me that I am not a body, when I am ready.
Self-talk suggestion: “I allow myself to be where I am at. Holy Spirit, teach me the right perception of the body because I believe it is me.” (inspired by FIP T-8.IX.1)
“Your home is not here”
The familiar area that I know and love has been drastically changed, and I felt that familiar feeling of the “world getting turned upside down.”
According to Ch. 18 in ACIM, our “original error” which seemed to fragment Heaven (reality) into separate pieces occurred when we decided to make a substitution for reality. In other words, the world as I know it IS my chosen substitution for Heaven. I have a special relationship with the world I see with my body’s eyes.
The world arose to hide [our error of substituting illusion for truth], and became the screen on which it was projected and drawn between you and the truth.
-ACIM (FIP T-18.I.6; OE T-18.II.6)
We feel guilty about our choice for choosing the world, because choosing for something other than Heaven was a scary thing to do. So as we witness the destruction of our homes and land, we’re shaken to our core, because it becomes obvious that our roots are very shallow.
Salvation is no more than a reminder this world is not your home. -ACIM (FIP T-25.VI.6)
Our whole world can turn “upside down” because it is built on a foundation that is false. Anything that can “come and go, shift and change, suffer and die” (FIP M-12.6) is part of the dream of separation and it is not part of us. We want to remember truth, because it makes us happy.
I was unable to speak with my family during and after the storm due to the phones being down. If I remained locked in worry about my family members’ safety, I was affirming this dream of separation and giving the ego the fuel that it desired. However, in these circumstance at this particular time, I could not NOT worry about my family, because I believed that this was all really happening. We have to be where we are at. Yet I CAN actively take my worry to the Holy Spirit. This is my responsibility.
Self-talk suggestion: “My home is not in this world. I am willing to learn this. Truth has not left me and this dream is nothing to be afraid of. I am safe, I am loved, and nothing can hurt me in truth.”
“EVERY challenge that you encounter is an opportunity to look at your hidden beliefs with the Holy Spirit.”
In our “decent into fear” into the dream of separation, we made up lots of mistaken thoughts and beliefs. The Course is asking us to take the Holy Spirit by the hand, so we can retrace and look at every mistaken belief with the Holy Spirit in order for it to be undone:
The Holy Spirit takes you gently by the hand, and retraces with you your mad journey outside yourself, leading you gently back to the truth and safety within. He brings all your insane projections and the wild substitutions that you have placed outside you to the truth. Thus He reverses the course of insanity and restores you to reason. – ACIM (FIP T-18.I.8).
Here are some hidden beliefs that I was able to look at solely because of this stormy experience:
- I had already decided what the external picture should look like in order to keep Corinne peaceful.
- Being on a spiritual path does NOT mean that the picture of my world will stay pretty. Rather, it means that no matter what the picture “out there” is, I am taking what I see to the Holy Spirit to be given the EXPERIENCE of truth and peace within.
- Anytime I am angry or upset, that is just my ego’s plan for salvation NOT working out (again!).
- There is a tendency to want to get into a comfort zone FIRST and THEN practice the Course after I’m back to peace. With a tiny bit of willingness, we can work the Course even in the midst of overwhelming fear.
- The Course isn’t about making the world turn out OK. It is about leading us to see it for what it really is.
Self-talk suggestion: “Being upset is an indicator that I’m hitting on an ego hidden belief. I am willing to look at what is coming up WITH the Holy Spirit. I withhold and hide nothing.”
My heart goes out to everyone affected by Hurricane Sandy. Being in this world of form is not easy. Yet with every challenge the ego calls forth, there is a blazing miracle right beside it – a chance to be willing to see differently under the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and to experience the truth behind the form. Following the Holy Spirit is “the easiest thing in the world, and the only thing that is easy, because it is not of the world” (FIP T-7.XI.1).
Let’s connect!
What do unexplained nervousness and a grudge have in common? These feelings taught me a powerful lesson. By refusing to let go of a grudge, I was not only holding the other person to their body and ego, but I was holding myself to my own body and ego. Once I became willing to see the grudge differently, I was no longer holding myself to my own ego, and the nervousness fell away.
Image courtesy of sheelamohan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
ACIM Q&A Day: “Why does the ego feel so hard to overcome?”
The answer to this question can be a tough one to swallow:
Because we want it.
We want the ego because it is our ticket to feeling special and separate, and the body is the chosen home of the ego (T-23.I.3). Although we might intellectually get the Course teaching that we are not our bodies and that our ego is nothing, if we REALLY knew that, we wouldn’t need to be in classroom earth.
Getting in touch with our desire to be separate from Love is a very important part of the process. We have to be able to look at our UNwillingness to let our minds be healed. Acknowledging our resistance is key.
A simple way of bringing our UNwillingness to heal to the surface is to ask yourself the question, “Would I rather have 10 million dollars right now, or be at One with Love?” Whichever you pick, you could instantly have. Which would you pick?
Be honest.
At the moment, I’d probably pick $10 million bucks. And I’m guessing you would too!
This is an IMPORTANT feeling to acknowledge, own, and then to look at with your Inner Teacher. Have the willingness to acknowledge your resistance, and then find the willingness to see it differently. As we give it to our Inner Teacher, our blocks to Love slowly fall away as we are ready to let them go.
So when you feel like your ego is kicking up big time, and it feels like it is stuck in place, take a step back and look at it as another form of UNwillingness to heal. Let that UNwillingness come to the surface, and give it to your Inner Guide. This is a nice way of sidestepping the ego’s conflict and working towards healing through the back door, rather than a head-on ego struggle.
Do you ever wake up feeling like fear is gripping you around the neck? Or do you wake up feeling an unshakable sense of peace?
I’ve experienced both.
I have found that early mornings are a time when my “guard” is down. If I have even the slightest amount of fear coming up, I am most easily going to feel it in the morning as I am waking up. This is a time when we have not yet been able to distract ourselves from that fear (for instance, by jumping out of bed and hopping into the shower or onto the computer) or we have not yet been able to use any tools to work with the fear (e.g. meditation, positive self-talk, ACIM lessons, etc.).
This is a time when you can learn an important piece of information about how you REALLY feel. Having this “guard” down is a good thing, because often times we busy ourselves in order to avoid the fear that we feel, rather than stop to look at the source of where the fear is coming from.
Our Inner Guide can’t heal what we keep hidden. So rather than run from the fear, we need to look at it WITH our Inner Guide. This is what “A Course in Miracles” is asking us to do.
Have you ever had the experience of going to bed and feeling really peaceful, and then waking up in the morning with gripping fear? Your mind is always active, and even in your sleeping dreams, your mind is choosing for the ego (fear) or for Truth (Love).
Next time you wake up, look at what feelings are coming up for you as you awaken. If you have the slightest amount of un-ease or if you have full-blown fear in your mind, rather than running away from it through distraction, be willing to look at it.
Say to yourself, as you hold the un-ease in your mind, “Inner Guide, I am WILLING to look at this WITH you. I am willing to not keep it hidden.”
Do this EVERY time you notice the fear creep in. You can also ask for help in understanding the conditions which brought the fear about:
The correction of fear is your responsibility. When you ask for release from fear, you are implying that it is not. You should ask, instead, for help in the conditions that have brought the fear about. These conditions always entail a willingness to be separate. At that level you can help it. You are much too tolerant of mind wandering, and are passively condoning your mind’s miscreations (see FIP T-2,VI.4).
The correction of fear is our responsibility in that we have to turn to our Inner Guide for help in this process. We can’t do it alone. The conditions of fear also have to do with our false beliefs that we really pulled off the separation from our Source, that we are limited to a body, that our dream of death is real, and the associated unconscious guilt that we feel because of this. In Truth, we have not changed Reality in the slightest bit. We are not guilty!
A very helpful statement in Lesson 110 of ACIM is “I am as God created me. His Son can suffer nothing, and I AM his Son.” We are EXACTLY as Love created us – eternal and filled with Peace and Joy.
Our Inner Guide, the Holy Spirit, is within our mind to help us remember this. Every time a scrap of fear arises in our minds, it is an opportunity to look at it WITH the Holy Spirit. This is real healing. Otherwise, we are just ignoring the fear, and the fear is free to keep coming back in countless other forms.
Look at the fear with your Inner Guide. Keep doing so as it keeps arising. Know that you ARE as Love created you, and so you can suffer NOTHING. Yay!!
Do you ever struggle with early morning fear and work “A Course In Miracles” to help? Share your process with us by leaving a comment below!
On a recent ACIM study group call, we were discussing the idea from the Course that there is no karma, meaning that Spirit is not keeping score on what you do in order to bring on some sort of retribution later. Instead, in this instant, we are choosing to listen to either the ego or the Holy Spirit. And whichever voice we choose to listen to NOW, we call forth experiences which justify our choice NOW.
The stars aligned so I ended up with a perfect example to demonstrate this idea.
Although I’d like to think I don’t really have “bad days” anymore, this particular evening would definitely fall into that category. It began when I made the choice to go into judgment. I was angry and frustrated and was very aware that I did NOT want to see a particular situation differently. I was UNwilling to practice the Course’s teachings of forgiveness – in other words, I was NOT willing to give my perceptions to the Holy Spirit in exchange for a miracle. I decided to “vent” to my husband on the phone while driving home, and went on a rant about how wrong things were with this particular situation. I chose to judge and therefore I chose the ego to be my guide.
As I began my trip home, the highway I usually take was closed because the road was flooded. Strike 1. I turned around and drove all the way to another entrance for a different highway.
While on highway #2 and still in my rant-induced state, I drove 12 miles PAST my exit to get home. 12 miles. That is 24 extra miles that did not need to be in my car. All because I was in heated judgment with angry tunnel vision. Strike 2.
I arrived home 45 minutes later than expected. When I got home, I hopped into the shower to wash off my feet and my dirty sandals, expecting to use the water from the bottom faucet to do so. I turned on the water, and it instantly came out of our new extra-large shower head (not the faucet) and dumped water all over my head and work clothes. I was soaked! Strike 3.
And I’m out!
I started laughing and thought “I am DONE with today – I’m going straight to bed!”
My choice to go into judgment and follow the ego INSTANTLY brought with it experiences that “prove” that I am a personality in a body. After all, if I’m home late, exhausted, and short on cash because I just wasted a lot of gasoline, this certainly “proves” that I am a body with problems in the world. I call forth ego experiences when I choose the ego as my guide. And these ego experiences don’t have to be big ones – they can simply be a loss of peace.
My choice for judgment not only kept me identified with my body, but it kept me seeing the other people involved as limited to their bodies as well. I was unable to see the truth in them, and unable to see the truth in myself. Judgment keeps the ego going.
Two days later, my willingness to loosen my fixed perceptions came through. I was willing to get out of the way again, and I was willing to see differently. I chose the Holy Spirit as my guide and in doing so, a very different experience came forth.
Despite a tornado warning, my husband and I decided to go for a 5-mile walk/run because the sky was blue and the sun was out. I ended up running with him for a longer period of time than I expected. When we were walking back to our car, still about a quarter of a mile away, we noticed the sky and it looked ominous. My husband quickly realized he left a multitude of non-waterproof power tools out in the yard. “Should we run?” I asked? “Yes!” he exclaimed!
Once we were home, I stepped through the front door as my husband put away the last power tool, and the sky opened up with torrential rain.
This situation to me was the opposite of my experiences two days prior. This situation showed me how orchestrated everything is. EVERY step that we ran instead of walked on the trail counted towards getting us home in time. We just didn’t know it at the time. My willingness to see differently was an invitation to let my Inner Guide lead the way again. With this came a sense that my only task is to focus on my willingness, and everything else will fall into place. Things became smooth and easy. I immediately thought of this quote from ACIM:
Once you accept His plan as the one function that you would fulfill, there will be nothing else the Holy Spirit will not arrange for you without your effort. He will go before you making straight your path, and leaving in your way no stones to trip on, and no obstacles to bar your way. Nothing you need will be denied you. Not one seeming difficulty but will melt away before you reach it. (FIP T-20.IV.8)
When we choose for the ego, we follow the ego’s “script” – a script full of bumpy roads, witnesses that say this world is real, “evidence” we are these bodies, and that we are guilty. When we turn to the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit’s interpretations replace the ego’s script. We no longer have to learn through pain. We can be happy learners who learn that we are not separate from one another, and not separate from our Source of Love.
Aug 222012
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
ACIM Q&A Day: How do we learn to listen to the Holy Spirit’s voice?
The Course is very clear that “the ego always speaks first” (T-6.IV.1). For me, the ego is loud, and it usually has a sense of urgency to it (“you better take care of this NOW or else!!”).
The Course also says that the “The Holy Spirit does not speak first, but He always answers“ (T-6.IV.3).
How then can we differentiate between the ego’s voice, which we are so accustomed to hearing, and the Holy Spirit’s voice?
This past year, I’ve dedicated myself to learning to be a better listener. My ego is a chatterbox, and to it’s pleasure, it can do a fairly good job at keeping the Voice of the Holy Spirit at bay.
I was inspired one day to start playing the card game of Solitaire with the Holy Spirit, with the intent of learning to be a better listener, NOT to win the game. The Holy Spirit will use ANYTHING we offer to Him/Her on behalf of truth, and a card game is no exception!
As I played Solitaire, I would inevitably come to a point where I could make a move. The first inclination I had would be to move the card quickly to it’s obvious spot. However, I would notice this knee-jerk inclination and sit with it. I practiced slowing down the process of playing and would ASK for assistance in what move I should make next.
Things got really interesting when I had several options as to where I could move a card. I again would have the familiar knee-jerk response to quickly move and keep the game going. But instead of following that initial feeling, I would STOP, and ASK for guidance, and LISTEN. I’d sit without making a move until I noticed something (what that something was, I had no idea!).
I noticed that a second inclination would come forward for me, which was sometimes different, and sometimes the same as my initial knee-jerk inclination. This feeling (i.e. this experience of listening to my Inner Guide) FELT BRIGHTER, quieter, and more spacious, than my initial ego feeling of MOVE this game along, sister!
Again, the outcome of the game didn’t matter (i.e. “winning or losing” a game didn’t necessarily mean I was successful at listening or not). What mattered was creating that space to get quiet, and to FEEL that lighter, quieter, more gentle inclination to make a particular move. I knew, for myself, that this was the feeling of what it is like to be a better listener. Game ON!
I LOVE playing Solitaire in order to practice listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Give it a try, and be sure to let me know how it goes! 
Aug 152012
As students of “A Course in Miracles” we “get” the whole idea that the body isn’t real and that this is all an illusion.
But if you’re like me, I wake up everyday thinking that I am Corinne and that I am limited to an existence in a body. “Getting” the idea of this world being an illusion is often an intellectual understanding – the “knowing” comes as we LIVE the Course.
For my 35th birthday, I got a lovely present from my doctor… a prescription for my first mammogram! I could hardly breathe while being squished between two plexiglass plates.
When the technician said “Umm… I think we’re going to need you to stay for an ultrasound too,” I had that familiar feeling of doom creeping in. I knew that everything was likely fine as I’ve been living with a benign condition for years, but my ego was tempting me with thoughts of terrible outcomes.
As I sat in the waiting area for my unexpected ultrasound, I thought about what we are being asked to do as Course students, while seemingly on this planet.
Heaven is not something that we choose for once we are on our deathbeds. Our task is to learn how to choose for Heaven RIGHT NOW, even when we’re freaked out and facing scary circumstances. Our choice for Heaven is not simply at the point of death.
“Rest in peace” is a blessing for the living, not the dead, because rest comes from waking, not from sleeping. T-8.IX.3
If I were to be diagnosed with a terrible disease, my task THEN would be EXACTLY the same as it is NOW… to have willingness to bring my thoughts, perceptions, and hidden beliefs to the Holy Spirit to be exchanged for truth instead. Our “hidden beliefs” are what the Course is asking us to look at with our Inner Teacher. These “hidden beliefs” consist of any thought that we think apart from God, and these thoughts take countless forms (e.g. that I am separate, that I have needs, that I want things to turn out a certain way…).
Somehow, just knowing that my task is the same, regardless of however the picture appears, restores my peace. It restores my peace because I know that at minimum, I am ALWAYS willing to have willingness. I KNOW that when I turn to the Holy Spirit, peace flows (and if I don’t accept that peace right away, I know it will come when I am ready). When my willingness is strong, it is effortless to turn to the Holy Spirit. When my willingness is lacking, I am willing to allow it to grow. We CAN’T fail! Willingness is everything.
So my choice is always, do I want to procrastinate and avoid turning to the Holy Spirit (which I am free to do)? Or do I want to WORK the Course’s principles because I KNOW they will bring me peace, whether I am seemingly here on this planet for 50 more years or 1 more day…
Peace isn’t about the picture “out there.” Peace is about an experience that lies beyond the picture.
The Course prompts us to consider the question, “What is it for?”
In any situation in which you are uncertain, the first thing to consider, very simply, is ”What do I want to come of this? What is it for?” The clarification of the goal belongs at the beginning, for it is this which will determine the outcome. T-17.VI.2
What was this situation with an unexpected ultrasound for?? It was for one of two things. It was either going to be used by my ego to keep my belief in separation going (that I am a body that can be hurt), OR it was going to be an opportunity to bring what I’m thinking, seeing, and feeling to the Holy Spirit, to allow the Holy Spirit to show me the truth behind the picture.
The power to decide is mine (and each one of ours). We alone are each responsible for whether we dilly-dally, or whether we exercise our power of decision by allowing the Holy Spirit to be our guide.
My peace is BACK, baby!
And all is well.
I’ve never considered myself to have social anxiety, but there are definitely times when I feel more outgoing than others. I’m naturally on the quiet side.
I took the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (a personality indicator) years ago when I was in college. I scored a strong “E” for extroverted. I “recharged my battery” by interacting with other people and being social.
After embarking on an inward journey, developing a meditation routine, and developing a relationship with my Inner Guide, things started to shift. When I took the Myers Briggs many years later, my “E” score switched to an “I” for Introverted. I now get my energy from going within, being reflective, keeping myself company, and enjoying silence.
I was at a social gathering recently with a group of beautiful people, but I found that as friends, we really do not have much in common. No one digs the spiritual work I’m into, and there are very few commonalities that we share. While getting ready for the gathering, I noticed feeling pressure to look a certain way (i.e. I feared my unpainted toenails might be judged as “gross”). Fears of being judged for bare toenails took over, so I painted on some funky royal blue nail polish! (How insane is fear!)
Who is doing the judging though? Is it them? Or is it me? I’m willing to look…
I’d like to think that it is “them.” “They” are the ones judging “me” and causing me to feel self-conscious. This keeps ME separate from THEM and UNABLE to do anything about it except judge back or avoid the situation. In this way, our egos all stay alive and well. I am holding them to their ego identities, and I’m holding myself to my ego identity. I’m externalizing cause (something outside of me is causing me to feel the way I feel).
The Course, however, much to my ego’s dismay, is teaching me that I am the one doing the judging FIRST. I’m judging in many ways… that “they” should be different than they are, that “they” are something separate from me, and on a deep level, I am judging that I WANT them to be separate from me because I WANT to stay in this dream of separation. I “hired” them to help me keep the separation going.
It is so funny that the entire time I was at this party, I didn’t think of the Holy Spirit once! I completely forgot about Him/Her. I thought about the Holy Spirit before and after the party, but not while I was sucked into self-conscious mode.
Self-conscious mode = ego alert!
Self-consciousness means you’re conscious of yourself. Which self? The small ego self.
Self-consciousness is the PERFECT ego ploy to keep you believing that you’re limited to a personality with a body. It is also a perfect barometer for indicating who you are siding with. If you’re siding with the ego, self-consciousness will feel strong. If you’re siding with the Holy Spirit and therefore conscious of your Self (Higher Self), the peace will flow.
Everything that I’m experiencing is coming from my mind, which is divided between Truth and a dream. It is the split part of my mind (which WANTS the dream) that calls forth witnesses to keep me believing that I am a body.
I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked. - A Course in Miracles (T-21. II.2)
If I am choosing for the separation and following the ego as my guide, I WILL call forth witnesses that “prove” that the separation is real. I will receive as I have asked. If I am choosing to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I will call forth witnesses that show me that only Love is real. Again, I will receive as I have asked.
Does this mean that we need to master this and stay in situations where we are uncomfortable? Certainly not. But “discomfort is aroused only to bring the need for correction into awareness” (T-2.V.7). So if we’re experiencing discomfort, it becomes an opportunity to look at what is coming up WITH the Holy Spirit. That is ALL we have to do – we give our willingness to the Holy Spirit in exchange for the miracle instead.
As I wrote about in my previous post, I have abundant opportunities to put ACIM into practice in my life. A situation recently arose again where I had a choice: Do I want to be right or happy? Based on my previous experience, why stop forgiving when I’m on a roll?
While in a conversation with a close person in my life, this person told me something that seemingly contradicted what they had previously told me. And with good intentions, I decided to point that out. There was a discrepancy between what they said and what they did.
Who decided to point this out? It was likely Corinne, not the Holy Spirit (remember, I like to talk about myself in the 3rd person to help get some distance between me and my ego).
The attacks towards me began.
I was accused of being horribly judgmental, and “holier than thou,” among many other hurtful things. It felt like daggers were being hurled at my sense of self.
In my head, my ego was SCREAMING, “DEFEND YOURSELF!!! You didn’t do these things and you did not feel judgment when you said what you said!! You are being wrongfully accused!! FIX THEIR PERCEPTIONS because they are wrong!!!”
But I knew where defending myself would lead because I’ve gone down this road many times before with this person.
If I defend myself and try to explain why I said what I said, I’d enter into the cycle of attack/defense. My defenses would have justifications in them. My attempts to change their perception would be perceived as an attack. The attack/defense cycle would stay alive and well.
I could remove myself from the situation, but I knew that I would then be accused of rejecting this person.
I knew I didn’t want to attack back, but the anger and urge to attack/defend was already being felt my heart.
What to do?
With clarity as if I was looking straight through crystal clear water to the bottom of a lake, I KNEW that there was no way of finding true resolution on this level. Any attempt to try to fix their perceptions would keep the ego’s games going. This person was asking me, without words, to practice A Course in Miracles to the Nth degree. I have to be willing to accept healing for MY perceptions. Despite my ego’s firm objections, I was willing to give it a try.
Still feeling angry and hurt, I said to the Holy Spirit, “You said I only need the tiniest bit of willingness to see differently. I have that willingness. NOW WHAT? I have NO IDEA what to do!!!”
I felt clueless as to how to respond to this person. ANY response from Corinne wasn’t going to work. I’d be perceived as judging, rejecting, manipulating, psychoanalyzing, or engaging in some other painful behavior. Only 5 words came forward for me, “I love you” and “I’m sorry.” So that is all I said.
When I spoke to this person next, the shift was palpable. Although I sensed one or two opportunities to reengage in the conflict, it was as if we BOTH were being lifted “above the battleground.” This person said that they were clear that I had not meant to hurt them, and they seemed to let go of their interpretation of the situation, as I had been willing to let go of mine.
This person’s perceptions changed, and I (Corinne) didn’t do a thing. All I did was get out of the way, and turn to the Holy Spirit as my guide instead of my tempting ego.
The tiniest willingness IS all we need. “I need do nothing” becomes “I need do NO THING except get out of the way.” I choose to be happy rather than right. The recognition that this person experienced a shift along with me reinforces my learning of the Course. It reminds me of the ACIM quote:
As you awaken other minds to the Holy Spirit through Him, and not yourself, you will understand that you are not obeying the laws of this world. But the laws you are obeying work. “The good is what works” is a sound though insufficient statement. Only the good can work. Nothing else works at all. (FIP T-9.V.8)
I have recently been learning a great deal about what it really means to live “A Course in Miracles.” I’ve been specifically learning the difference between repeating the Course to myself as a reassurance, versus actually putting the principles into action when my ego is in my face, screaming for me to do something. Today’s post is about an experience that was very profound for me. When you focus on the Holy Spirit, Love looks right back at you.
I have some great teachers in my life who never fail to present me with opportunities for forgiveness (and I am saying this lovingly, not sarcastically!).
I’m going to talk about myself in the 3rd person because it helps me separate myself from my ego a bit.
One person has been “hooking” me lately because Corinne feels that she knows what is best for them. This person hasn’t made good business decisions (in Corinne’s judgment) and Corinne would like to see this person start turning to the Holy Spirit rather than trying to do it all alone.
Several weeks ago, I came to the realization that I DON’T need to trust that this person will “do the right thing.” Instead, I came to the recognition that I simply need to trust that the Holy Spirit is in them.
I’m not saying that I trust that the Holy Spirit would lead this person to “do the right thing,” but I simply trust that the Holy Spirit is in them, period. I gave my desire for this person to do things differently to the Holy Spirit (remember, forgiveness means that this judgment that I’m holding is “for giving” to the Holy Spirit).
Fast forward to yesterday, when I was on the phone with this person. They went into describing their elaborate plan that will “save” them and fix their broken financial situation. Rather than get angry at this person for not “trusting” that everything will work out, I was willing to trust that the Holy Spirit is in them, period.
I stared up at the trees as I sat on my back porch, listening. This person’s words, which I continued to listen to and understand, became neutral sounds and syllables. As I gazed at the trees I felt myself feeling removed and unattached to the situation. It was as if I was being lifted “above the battleground” though this experience was rather plain and without any “bells and whistles.” I felt willingness to be led past the picture, to see the truth behind the form.
The emotional reaction that I had to their words was the equivalent to the emotional reaction of “blah blah blah.” I did not feel hooked, I did not feel angry, and instead I felt peace and love as I felt a connection with the truth behind the form.
For about 10 minutes as this person talked, I felt the willingness to continue to see with the Holy Spirit’s vision, guided by the Holy Spirit. I looked with my heart straight past form to the truth beyond it. “I wonder if this is how the Holy Spirit works?” I thought to myself. The Holy Spirit sees our shenanigans and looks straight past them to the truth beyond.
I wanted to stay here. I felt so free. Then the most remarkable thing came out of this person’s mouth. They started talking about their realization that the thrill they feel out of having successes in business is an “ego reaction.” “I never thought I had an ego, and I do,” said this person who is not an ACIM student. They continued to talk about their ego and their newfound awareness of this aspect of themselves.
I was shocked! Suddenly this person was talking about their ego and I’ve NEVER heard them do so before. I smiled, with the feeling that this is what the Course is about. It is not about speaking it, it is not about preaching it, it is about DOING it, even when my ego is screaming that the external picture should be different.
It is also important to note that I did not make this situation happen. Corinne did NOT say to herself, “I’m going to look past the picture to the truth behind it.” All Corinne did was have willingness. Willingness to get out of the way, and willingness see the Holy Spirit in this other person. The situation then came forth as a witness to Love rather than fear.
Have a question about ACIM? Ask me HERE!
Question: Other people’s egos appear to be knocking on my ego’s door, wanting it to come out and play – GRRR! I have been speaking my truth with two people in my life and their egos have just been ripping me apart. One person is completely ignoring me and the other person is attacking me in their words. All in all, I am sending this to the Holy Spirit – yet it does effect me. I am hoping that you can give me some real, tight and loving guidance like you have done in the past!
You’re so right when you say that people are showing up on your ego’s doorstep asking your ego to come out and “play!” The ego’s version of play is not kind. This actually happens more often than we realize because the ego always speaks first and loudest. This is an example of the Course’s definition of “temptation” – and that is anything that comes forward for us that “tempts” us to keep believing that we are these bodies.
There are two things that come to mind for me…
First, “A happy learner does not feel guilty about learning.” That means that we can’t avoid our lessons, we have to go through them. “Would you not go through fear to love?” If this situation is happening, it is for your learning. If that means we feel we have to get angry, call someone out, etc., then we need to go through that. So allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Be where you are at.
A good question to ask yourself is, “Do I prefer to be right or happy?” If we’re determined to be right, we can be sure we will stick with our ego and “play” with the other person’s ego. If we want to be happy, we’re willing to play with the Holy Spirit instead. This play is happy and healing.
Secondly, good for you for remembering to take this to the Holy Spirit! Keep doing so. Keep trying to find your willingness to see the situation differently. Ask yourself, “Am I willing to see this differently?” If you’re not, are you “willing to be willing to see this differently?” Find that tiny bit of willingness and hand it to the Holy Spirit.
One of the prayers in ACIM that helps me SO MUCH is on page 90 in the FIP edition of A Course in Miracles:
I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace.
I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.
I want to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace.
I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him.
I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me.
Isn’t it awesome that the Holy Spirit will UNDO the consequences of our wrong decision IF we let him?
If we’re experiencing anything other than perfect peace, WE have decided wrongly. No one is doing anything to us… everything we’re experiencing is coming from our split mind, as a temptation to keep us believing that we’re separate (and in a body). You’re not {insert your name here}!! You’re a Holy Child of God, just as each and every one of us is.
You’ve hired those other people to keep you believing that you’re a body (and they’re doing a good job – right? )
Whatever the conflict seems to be, at some point, we will have to be willing to give the picture to the Holy Spirit and trust that “it is done already” – that healing is accomplished despite what the body’s eyes and ears show us.
Here are some Lesson suggestions to reinforce these principles:
Lesson 72: Holding grievances is an attack on God’s plan for salvation.
Lesson 196: It can be but myself I crucify
Lesson 121: Forgiveness is the key to happiness
Lesson 121 has a great visualization in it where we can imagine seeing light in our “enemy,” then in a “friend,” and then extending that light to ourselves. That person is not separate from you. This exercise can help us touch that truth.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we can’t just quote the Course to ourselves or to another. We actually have to put the principles into ACTION. I had a recent experience where I was being verbally attacked, and I held steady with being willing to trust that the Holy Spirit IS IN this other person. Although my ego was very tempted to “play,” I stayed with my willingness to see the Holy Spirit in the other person. The situation ended up resolving quite quickly and ultimately, quite peacefully. It was a miracle indeed.
Have a question about ACIM? Ask me HERE!
I am fortunate to have a loving, beautiful friend who also is really into “A Course in Miracles.” As long as I’ve known Annie, she has struggled with every job she gets – she feels that there is usually something wrong with it, which often leads her to bounce around from job to job. Jobs end up being loaded with conflict between Annie and her supervisor or coworkers, so Annie quits. Annie has been a Course student for many years, and at the point in time when these emails were written, I felt guided to confront her a little more than usual. The following emails below are shared to you with Annie’s permission as she struggled with her latest job – a restaurant job.
Annie’s writing is a beautiful reflection of coming to the realization that there is no fixing it “out there” – the change instead comes from within. Ultimately, we BOTH experience a gigantic miracle! Our correspondence will be shared over 2 parts. Here is Part 1:
Date: Fri, 25 Feb
Subject: New Job Ick
From: Annie
To: Corinne Zupko
Hi C,
Sorry to bug you. I know you are super busy. New restaurant job….is disgusting. There are roaches in the kitchen and they smoke in the upstairs managers office. I believe that I have to work and the small income that is coming in from this job is helping, but….it’s really not good for me. I do get called for substitute teaching, at least every Monday which is $65, but I receive the check weeks later. I know I need to change my mind about financial things, lack, need, etc. but…I’m not sure how to do that and do the Course. I know it’s “not real” but I can’t tell that to my father or the electric company… “Ah, those bills that need to be paid…bah! Figments of your imagination.”
Not sure HOW to look at it differently. You’ll love the response from my friend (in light of the fact that I just got back from Guatemala) – she said, “Think about all the bugs in Guatemala and how people live with them there. Think about what they have to deal with.” Well, I never saw a bug bigger than a freckle in Guatemala. Sorry, but my concern is not the bugs in Guatemala, my concern is providing a living wage for myself and keeping my sanity, what little of it that I have! Any words to help me?
Tootle loo for now,
Love you,
Annie
_____
On Fri, Feb 25, at 9:40 PM, Corinne Zupko wrote:
Hi Annie!
I have had a very busy week and upcoming weekend so sorry I haven’t been able to talk on the phone… Regarding work, this might tick you off, but I know at this point that you can take it!
All of these struggles that you have been having with work settings (or substitute money or whatever) are coming from you. They are coming from your own split mind. There is no “out there” as the Course says and trying to fix it “out there” like by trying to find a better work setting, is never going to ultimately work. Fixing it “out there” is a band-aid. I feel like work/money stuff has been a lesson that keeps presenting itself for you, and so I know you are willing to try something different.
You have to work from within. You have “invented the world you see.”
You need to own that to the extreme. That this is all coming from your own mind. All the figures (people) in the situation are coming from you. The cockroaches, the smokers. You need to own that. You “hired” them as witnesses so you’ll keep believing Annie is real. They’re ego devices to keep you identified with Annie, so you won’t look beyond her. Once you are really, truly, willing to take responsibility that you made all of this, then you need to be willing to hand that over to the Holy Spirit.
Keep taking this responsibility and really touching it. And then keep handing it over to the Holy Spirit.
Everything difficult that keeps coming forth for you simply where you are UNWILLING to heal. Read my blog entry on this: http://www.fromanxietytolove.com/i-gave-it-to-the-holy-spirit-now-what/
Work on handing your UNwillingness to heal over the to the Holy Spirit.
I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t leave your job. But the real work has to happen within. You can’t fix it or make it better “out there.”
That’s what I got for ya!
Love ya,
Corinne
____
On Feb 26, at 2:19 PM, Annie wrote:
Hi C!
This is why I love you so much. YOU are HONEST with me, thank you. The truth is…I know I have created it. And…I must say….the “place” that I am in…is the total manifestation of what I think I am. Oh my god, I’m a dirty, smoking, cockroach….LOL…must have a sense of humor. I am operating from base level, bottom feeder, and on some level…feel as if i deserve all this. It’s familiar, dare I say “comfortable.” I WANT and am WILLING to see things differently, but have no idea how. All I know is “this” feels icky. My insides feel dirty, mucky, icky, and maybe buggy. If the work place is the mirror to my mind…the “place” needs a power wash, Mr. Clean, and some sunlight.
I know on some level a MAJOR shift MUST happen, but how? I turn it over….still feels bad to be there….Lesson….maybe “Annie” needs to stop choosing and reacting and let the Holy Spirit work within her. On some level I feel as if I don’t deserve good things, or money, or sufficiency. But….as I know to be true, I have everything I need inside of me, but it looks as if somebody turned the lights off and forgot to take care of the insides….ahhhhhhhhhh, neglect….my own neglect of MY TRUE SELF…..mmmmm, i think i got it.
But I don’t know how to “shift” this “thing” inside. But I can say for sure, truly, with total honesty there is a part of me that is so gross, icky, creepy, mean, unloved, uncared for, poor, and struggling. It’s my ego talking and I want the Holy Spirit to CLEAN it and make that false perception of myself something better. Inside job. Shift my mind, may the miracle happen in a Holy Instant…NOW!
I am willing to see things differently, above all else I wish to see things with love. I am a child of God, wholly loved, pure, perfect in thought, and a figment of my own illusion. Let me co-create something better with a HIGHER ORDER.
With all my love and dirty smoking cockroach thinking, (god this is funny on some level), thank you for being my COURSE IN MIRACLES FRIEND.
Going to “get this.” Please say a prayer for me that I can see things differently. All minds are one….so can I borrow yours?
Love you,
Working on thinking I am a perfect light being but in the meantime think my name is Annie
Continued on page 2
Question: “I don’t understand how forgiveness in the Course is different than blaming the victim. I know that abusive people can, and have, misused the Course and other spiritual teachings to act from ego and hurt others. However, I still see in the Course amongst its teachers that the person who was hurt must then forgive by “accepting that what you thought happened, didn’t” and realizing that one “chose to hurt oneself through the abuser” and other concepts.”
This is a great question and one that deserves careful attention. This is a HARD CORE Course post!!
Truly understanding the answer to this question hinges on recognizing “level confusion,” as the Course calls it.
If we try to understand the Course’s teaching of forgiveness through the ego, the true meaning of forgiveness will be distorted. In other words, forgiveness will seem to mean that I have to forgive my victimizer by accepting that I brought this upon myself and then “accepting that what I thought happened, didn’t.” This is not the forgiveness that the Course describes.
True forgiveness, according to “A Course in Miracles”, is learned. I learn how to truly forgive when I am willing to hand my judgments/beliefs/expectations to the Holy Spirit to be reinterpreted. This then leads to experiences which prove to me that this world is not what I thought it was. True forgiveness does not blame the victim nor victimizer, because in truth, we are pure mind. If there ARE NO bodies, there are no victims and there are no victimizers.
However, the Course is practical. If a car is speeding in my direction, I’m certainly going to get out of the way. This is where we must explore the idea of 2 different levels – the “FORM level” and the “FORMLESS level.”
On this seeming level of earth or “Form Level”, there ARE victims and there ARE victimizers. This is a world of duality. There is always a trade-off. It is the way of the world. There is victim/victimizer, good/bad, leader/follower, etc. It isn’t real, but we’ve made it real for ourselves.
On the level of truth, or “Formless level”, we are dreaming a dream of a world. In the “Formless level”, we are mind, and purely mind, and are safe at home in our Source (i.e. God, Love, Oneness). But the fragmented part of our mind that put itself to sleep because it wanted to experience itself as separate (this is the ego, and this is what the Course refers to as having a “split mind”) was seemingly made concrete by its very decision to NOT be as God created us. We are the dreamer of this dream. The instant we decided to dream, the ego wrote its “script” of separation, outlining the experiences that we would have in this dream in order to make it feel very real. These experiences are the ego’s best ditch efforts to keep us believing that we are bodies.
This part of our mind has CHOSEN to put itself to sleep and to dream this dream of separation. Therefore, as the Course teaches:
The secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself. (FIP edition: T-27.VIII 10)
This is a teaching from the “Formless level.” It is a mistake, however, to be in the “FORM level” (the earthly level), and use the truth of this “FORMLESS level” teaching, to tell someone (or to tell yourself) that they have chosen for abuse, neglect, negative experiences, etc. This is what the Course refers to as level confusion.
This type of level confusion is not loving, and if it is said in the name of the Course, it is misusing the teaching of the Course. We can misapply the Course to ourselves, and to one another.
Let’s look at an example. I recently was the “victim” of someone leaving a huge dent in my car when it was parked on the street. I wasn’t even present to witness the accident. On this “Form Level” – I certainly seemed innocent. I didn’t want this to happen, and I was left with a $900 bill, which made me UNHAPPY.
Looking at the “FORMLESS level”, the level of truth, we could say that the ego wrote this into its “script” of my dream of separation. This incident provides solid evidence that I MUST be a body, because I can be hurt, angry, and short on cash.
To tell me that I (in the earthly “Form Level”) called this situation forth, is level confusion and all it does is give the ego a big boost. An unconscious part of my split mind called it forth (in the “Formless level”), in order to keep me believing in the dream (keep in mind that the ego is NOT our friend! But it is also nothing to be afraid of, because it IS nothing without our belief in it).
Everything that happens to us is coming from our split mind, which called chaos upon itself when it chose to separate from its Source. This part of our mind feels guilty for seemingly separating, fearing that God/Oneness/Love will be angry at us. “Bad things” that happen have nothing to do with positive or negative thinking, or the “wrath of God”. Bad things happen because we have unconsciously split our mind away from Love. Because we all are part of this one split mind, we are all doing this mistake together, each playing interchangeable roles as victim or victimizer.
We’re not stuck in the ego’s script though.
As we practice the Course and experience miracles (shifts in perception), we come to learn that there is a choice of dreams while we still remain asleep. Following the guidance of the Holy Spirit leads us to happy dreams of awakening. We teach our split mind that it is not happy being asleep, and so we start to call forth experiences that teach us that we are not these bodies. We come to recognize who the dreamer is, and that this world is not our home.
The miracle does not awaken you, but merely shows you who the dreamer is. It teaches you there is a choice of dreams while you are still asleep, depending on the purpose of your dreaming. Do you wish for dreams of healing, or for dreams of death? A dream is like a memory in that it pictures what you wanted shown to you. (FIP T-28.II-4)
The “Formless Level” teaching is that we choose painful dreams because they are how we maintain separation from our Source. The recognition that we are each the dreamer of this dream, MUST come from an EXPERIENCE that comes from within. We can’t intellectually tell ourselves that what we thought happened, didn’t, because we’ve already made it real. We have to turn to our Inner Guide, and ask for the EXPERIENCE of being shown what the truth is. Only then do we touch upon the truth that the world is an illusion, and that we are perfectly unharmed.
We don’t know that we’re dreaming. The Course’s Forgiveness shows us that we are.
So when you see someone in a painful circumstance, it is NOT an opportunity to think, “oh they chose for this.” Instead, this is an opportunity to own that you are seeing this with your body’s eyes, so it must be somehow coming from your split mind, or you wouldn’t be seeing it in the first place. When I see something painful, this prayer from the Course helps me immensely:
Take this from me and look upon it, judging it for me.
Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death, nor use it for destruction.
Teach me how not to make of it an obstacle to peace, but let You use it for me, to facilitate its coming. (FIP edition: T-19.IV.C.i-11)
If you still feel confused, or if there still seems to be undertones of blaming the victim, recognize there may be some unwillingness to let the Holy Spirit give you a miracle. Our ego wants us to think the Course is blaming the victim, because that strengthens the ego. Touch upon your willingness to see differently and give that willingness to the Holy Spirit. Ask the Holy Spirit for the experience of understanding. The Course tells us that God placed the answer to the separation problem in our minds the moment we dreamt it, only we just haven’t accepted it. The Holy Spirit would have us accept and know this:
We are NOT guilty.
We are innocent and we will come to accept ourselves in truth because that IS Love’s will for us. The outcome is guaranteed.
Have a question about ACIM? Ask me HERE!
Question: I suffer from anxiety and depression. My question may sound dumb for someone practicing “A Course in Miracles” for 11 years but … for example … I get stuck mentally … I do very well at picking up on the fact that fear and/or whatever has sent me into depression! I am pleased I catch it early… Being aware isn’t enough… What is the self talk / thought process you worked with after realizing what is going on?
- Peter
P.S. as I read this over it hit me that this is actually the “First Letter of Peter to a Corinneian”
I actually had a major episode of anxiety after already having been a Course student for 12 years (your question is not at all dumb!). It was after that time that I realized that I was doing the Course, but that there are layers to living it. Our work with the Course gets deeper as our willingness continues to grow. Plus, I would never really work that hard with the Course unless I was in extreme discomfort. When things got very painful, I really started working the principles. So the pain served a useful purpose – it got me working hard to find relief. Now I show up to do work with the Holy Spirit daily. This commitment is key for me because the “ego always speaks first” and it is our primary identity in this world. If I start to think “I’ve got it” and try to coast, I ultimately get into some form of difficulty again.
Here are some ideas that have helped me:
- “Anxiety (or depression or substitute any sickness) is a defense against the truth (See Lesson 136). I am the one calling forth this anxiety to keep me believing that I am a body and that I am Corinne. I take responsibility for this. I am not a body and I am not Corinne. I am a Holy part of the mind of God” (substitute your own name).
- “I’m willing to look at what is coming up WITH the Holy Spirit.” When I do this, the next step is to hand it over and ask for the miracle instead. I am vigilant, vigilant, vigilant about this now. This is a step you actually have to DO. It requires ACTION.
- “This pain/resistance is my UNwillingness to heal coming forward. I realize that I (my ego) WANTS this world and wants it to work out so badly. I own that. Again, I’m willing to look at this with the Holy Spirit” (By the way, I wrote a blog post about looking at that UNwillingness here).
Everything I have learned that has helped me is ultimately soothing that terror-filled unconscious split mind that we have – and I’ve touched this part of my mind. Touching this deep level is what has ultimately made a difference for me. Previously, the whole “guilt” thing in ACIM was more of an intellectual understanding for me. Now, it has been an experience of knowing that an unconscious part of me carries guilt and fear for seemingly separating from our Source. As the layers of fears arise, it is an opportunity to look at what is coming up with the Holy Spirit EVERY TIME. Because the ego is our primary identity in the world, we have to put these principles into action over and over and not feel guilt for where we are at. ”The happy learner cannot feel guilty about learning” (Ch. 14, Part III in FIP edition).
A lot of times, once the anxiety would take hold, I’d find that the only way through it is through it. I relied on external help (therapy or medication) when I needed it (and I suggest that anyone who is really struggling with anxiety or depression do the same – the Holy Spirit will speak through others if we are too blocked to hear the Holy Spirit directly). We have to allow ourselves to be where we are at, and not feel more guilt for being in the state that we’re in. Feeling badly for feeling the way we do just holds the ego firmly in place. There wasn’t an instant fix for me, but instead the healing happened over time as I was ready. We’re deep into this dream, and so small things gently fall away as we’re ready to let them go.
By the way, the “First letter of Peter to a Corinneian” CRACKED me up!
Have a question about ACIM? Ask me HERE!
Jun 042012
These were the words my stepdad said to me as I lay flat out on the couch, incapacitated by anxiety, unable to eat for days, with dark anxiety-induced circles under my teary eyes.
“The light in you is too bright to fail.”
These words gave me hope and a sense of relief as if I had just been given crystal clear healing water after slowly shriveling up and drying out in the desert. I knew, deep down, that we’re on this journey heading back to Love and to Peace. I knew, deep down, that I would make it, even though the present picture was pretty ugly. I knew that there were layers of undoing and unlearning, and layers of understanding and growth in being a student of “A Course in Miracles.” I was ready to take my study and practice deeper. I would do whatever it would take.
Before this time, I could not comprehend that my work with the Course could deepen. I worked the principles every day, and I had already done the lessons many times over. I was taking it as far as I could take it for where I was at. Since this time, I’ve witnessed how gentle the process of the Atonement (or “Undoing” of fear) really is. Layers of fear fall away as we are simply ready to let them go.
We think we want to let go of the fear now, but we actually do not because fear serves a useful purpose. It serves the purpose of keeping us identified with our bodies and believing that we are a small, separate self. Until we are ready to take responsibility for making and wanting fear, the fear will remain. It will be like a leaky pipe. We might plug up one hole of fear, but it will shift to some place else, unless we’re willing to look at the source of fear – our active desire to judge and to stay separated from our Source (call it Love, God, Oneness, Being, etc.), and the unconscious guilt we carry around because of this. We must look at our active desire to stay separated WITH our Inner Guide (aka the Holy Spirit).
When I realize that I’m not at peace and am touching upon one of the layers of fear, I stop and recognize that my unconscious split mind is calling this forth, in order to keep myself identified as a body. I say, “I am willing to look at this WITH the Holy Spirit” and then I hand it over to the Holy Spirit.
To do any of this, to advance in the Course at all, “The insignificance of the body has to become an acceptable idea.” If we’re not willing to see the body differently, a major block will remain in our path. Is it not a relief to learn that we’re much more than this pile of clay? Whew!
I say these words to you now, no matter what it is that you are going through, “The light in you is too bright to fail.”
We’re all heading home to Love together. There is nothing to fear.
