Inner Teacher | From Anxiety to Love

10 Million Dollars or the Peace of God? Test Your Resistance.

Oct 042012

Ten million bucks or the peace of God? A resistance test. A Course in Miracles

Image courtesy of sheelamohan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

ACIM Q&A Day: “Why does the ego feel so hard to overcome?”

The answer to this question can be a tough one to swallow:

Because we want it.

We want the ego because it is our ticket to feeling special and separate, and the body is the chosen home of the ego (T-23.I.3). Although we might intellectually get the Course teaching that we are not our bodies and that our ego is nothing, if we REALLY knew that, we wouldn’t need to be in classroom earth.

Getting in touch with our desire to be separate from Love is a very important part of the process. We have to be able to look at our UNwillingness to let our minds be healed. Acknowledging our resistance is key.

A simple way of bringing our UNwillingness to heal to the surface is to ask yourself the question, “Would I rather have 10 million dollars right now, or be at One with Love?” Whichever you pick, you could instantly have. Which would you pick?

Be honest.

At the moment, I’d probably pick $10 million bucks. And I’m guessing you would too!

This is an IMPORTANT feeling to acknowledge, own, and then to look at with your Inner Teacher. Have the willingness to acknowledge your resistance, and then find the willingness to see it differently. As we give it to our Inner Teacher, our blocks to Love slowly fall away as we are ready to let them go.

So when you feel like your ego is kicking up big time, and it feels like it is stuck in place, take a step back and look at it as another form of UNwillingness to heal. Let that UNwillingness come to the surface, and give it to your Inner Guide. This is a nice way of sidestepping the ego’s conflict and working towards healing through the back door, rather than a head-on ego struggle.

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No karma? An example of this teaching from “A Course in Miracles”

Sep 122012

On a recent ACIM study group call, we were discussing the idea from the Course that there is no karma, meaning that Spirit is not keeping score on what you do in order to bring on some sort of retribution later. Instead, in this instant, we are choosing to listen to either the ego or the Holy Spirit. And whichever voice we choose to listen to NOW, we call forth experiences which justify our choice NOW.

The stars aligned so I ended up with a perfect example to demonstrate this idea.

Although I’d like to think I don’t really have “bad days” anymore, this particular evening would definitely fall into that category. It began when I made the choice to go into judgment. I was angry and frustrated and was very aware that I did NOT want to see a particular situation differently. I was UNwilling to practice the Course’s teachings of forgiveness – in other words, I was NOT willing to give my perceptions to the Holy Spirit in exchange for a miracle. I decided to “vent” to my husband on the phone while driving home, and went on a rant about how wrong things were with this particular situation. I chose to judge and therefore I chose the ego to be my guide.

As I began my trip home, the highway I usually take was closed because the road was flooded. Strike 1. I turned around and drove all the way to another entrance for a different highway.

While on highway #2 and still in my rant-induced state, I drove 12 miles PAST my exit to get home. 12 miles. That is 24 extra miles that did not need to be in my car. All because I was in heated judgment with angry tunnel vision. Strike 2.

I arrived home 45 minutes later than expected. When I got home, I hopped into the shower to wash off my feet and my dirty sandals, expecting to use the water from the bottom faucet to do so. I turned on the water, and it instantly came out of our new extra-large shower head (not the faucet) and dumped water all over my head and work clothes. I was soaked! Strike 3.

And I’m out!

I started laughing and thought “I am DONE with today – I’m going straight to bed!”

My choice to go into judgment and follow the ego INSTANTLY brought with it experiences that “prove” that I am a personality in a body. After all, if I’m home late, exhausted, and short on cash because I just wasted a lot of gasoline, this certainly “proves” that I am a body with problems in the world. I call forth ego experiences when I choose the ego as my guide. And these ego experiences don’t have to be big ones – they can simply be a loss of peace.

My choice for judgment not only kept me identified with my body, but it kept me seeing the other people involved as limited to their bodies as well. I was unable to see the truth in them, and unable to see the truth in myself. Judgment keeps the ego going.

Two days later, my willingness to loosen my fixed perceptions came through. I was willing to get out of the way again, and I was willing to see differently. I chose the Holy Spirit as my guide and in doing so, a very different experience came forth.

Despite a tornado warning, my husband and I decided to go for a 5-mile walk/run because the sky was blue and the sun was out. I ended up running with him for a longer period of time than I expected. When we were walking back to our car, still about a quarter of a mile away, we noticed the sky and it looked ominous. My husband quickly realized he left a multitude of non-waterproof power tools out in the yard. “Should we run?” I asked? “Yes!” he exclaimed!

Once we were home, I stepped through the front door as my husband put away the last power tool, and the sky opened up with torrential rain.

This situation to me was the opposite of my experiences two days prior. This situation showed me how orchestrated everything is. EVERY step that we ran instead of walked on the trail counted towards getting us home in time. We just didn’t know it at the time. My willingness to see differently was an invitation to let my Inner Guide lead the way again. With this came a sense that my only task is to focus on my willingness, and everything else will fall into place. Things became smooth and easy. I immediately thought of this quote from ACIM:

Once you accept His plan as the one function that you would fulfill, there will be nothing else the Holy Spirit will not arrange for you without your effort. He will go before you making straight your path, and leaving in your way no stones to trip on, and no obstacles to bar your way. Nothing you need will be denied you. Not one seeming difficulty but will melt away before you reach it. (FIP T-20.IV.8)

When we choose for the ego, we follow the ego’s “script” – a script full of bumpy roads, witnesses that say this world is real, “evidence” we are these bodies, and that we are guilty. When we turn to the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit’s interpretations replace the ego’s script. We no longer have to learn through pain. We can be happy learners who learn that we are not separate from one another, and not separate from our Source of Love.

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Playing cards with my Inner Guide

Aug 222012

Playing solitaire with my Inner Guide - A Course in Miracles

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

ACIM Q&A Day: How do we learn to listen to the Holy Spirit’s voice?

The Course is very clear that “the ego always speaks first” (T-6.IV.1). For me, the ego is loud, and it usually has a sense of urgency to it (“you better take care of this NOW or else!!”).

The Course also says that the “The Holy Spirit does not speak first, but He always answers“ (T-6.IV.3).

How then can we differentiate between the ego’s voice, which we are so accustomed to hearing, and the Holy Spirit’s voice?

This past year, I’ve dedicated myself to learning to be a better listener. My ego is a chatterbox, and to it’s pleasure, it can do a fairly good job at keeping the Voice of the Holy Spirit at bay.

I was inspired one day to start playing the card game of Solitaire with the Holy Spirit, with the intent of learning to be a better listener, NOT to win the game. The Holy Spirit will use ANYTHING we offer to Him/Her on behalf of truth, and a card game is no exception!

As I played Solitaire, I would inevitably come to a point where I could make a move. The first inclination I had would be to move the card quickly to it’s obvious spot. However, I would notice this knee-jerk inclination and sit with it. I practiced slowing down the process of playing and would ASK for assistance in what move I should make next.

Things got really interesting when I had several options as to where I could move a card. I again would have the familiar knee-jerk response to quickly move and keep the game going. But instead of following that initial feeling, I would STOP, and ASK for guidance, and LISTEN. I’d sit without making a move until I noticed something (what that something was, I had no idea!).

I noticed that a second inclination would come forward for me, which was sometimes different, and sometimes the same as my initial knee-jerk inclination. This feeling (i.e. this experience of listening to my Inner Guide) FELT BRIGHTER, quieter, and more spacious, than my initial ego feeling of MOVE this game along, sister!

Again, the outcome of the game didn’t matter (i.e. “winning or losing” a game didn’t necessarily mean I was successful at listening or not). What mattered was creating that space to get quiet, and to FEEL that lighter, quieter, more gentle inclination to make a particular move. I knew, for myself, that this was the feeling of what it is like to be a better listener. Game ON!

I LOVE playing Solitaire in order to practice listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Give it a try, and be sure to let me know how it goes!

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When your body feels OH so real…

Aug 152012

As students of “A Course in Miracles” we “get” the whole idea that the body isn’t real and that this is all an illusion.

But if you’re like me, I wake up everyday thinking that I am Corinne and that I am limited to an existence in a body. “Getting” the idea of this world being an illusion is often an intellectual understanding – the “knowing” comes as we LIVE the Course.

For my 35th birthday, I got a lovely present from my doctor… a prescription for my first mammogram! I could hardly breathe while being squished between two plexiglass plates.

When the technician said “Umm… I think we’re going to need you to stay for an ultrasound too,” I had that familiar feeling of doom creeping in. I knew that everything was likely fine as I’ve been living with a benign condition for years, but my ego was tempting me with thoughts of terrible outcomes.

As I sat in the waiting area for my unexpected ultrasound, I thought about what we are being asked to do as Course students, while seemingly on this planet.

Heaven is not something that we choose for once we are on our deathbeds. Our task is to learn how to choose for Heaven RIGHT NOW, even when we’re freaked out and facing scary circumstances. Our choice for Heaven is not simply at the point of death.

“Rest in peace” is a blessing for the living, not the dead, because rest comes from waking, not from sleeping. T-8.IX.3

If I were to be diagnosed with a terrible disease, my task THEN would be EXACTLY the same as it is NOW… to have willingness to bring my thoughts, perceptions, and hidden beliefs to the Holy Spirit to be exchanged for truth instead. Our “hidden beliefs” are what the Course is asking us to look at with our Inner Teacher. These “hidden beliefs” consist of any thought that we think apart from God, and these thoughts take countless forms (e.g. that I am separate, that I have needs, that I want things to turn out a certain way…).

Somehow, just knowing that my task is the same, regardless of however the picture appears, restores my peace. It restores my peace because I know that at minimum, I am ALWAYS willing to have willingness. I KNOW that when I turn to the Holy Spirit, peace flows (and if I don’t accept that peace right away, I know it will come when I am ready). When my willingness is strong, it is effortless to turn to the Holy Spirit. When my willingness is lacking, I am willing to allow it to grow. We CAN’T fail! Willingness is everything.

So my choice is always, do I want to procrastinate and avoid turning to the Holy Spirit (which I am free to do)? Or do I want to WORK the Course’s principles because I KNOW they will bring me peace, whether I am seemingly here on this planet for 50 more years or 1 more day…

Peace isn’t about the picture “out there.” Peace is about an experience that lies beyond the picture.

The Course prompts us to consider the question, “What is it for?”

In any situation in which you are uncertain, the first thing to consider, very simply, is ”What do I want to come of this? What is it for?” The clarification of the goal belongs at the beginning, for it is this which will determine the outcome. T-17.VI.2

What was this situation with an unexpected ultrasound for?? It was for one of two things. It was either going to be used by my ego to keep my belief in separation going (that I am a body that can be hurt), OR it was going to be an opportunity to bring what I’m thinking, seeing, and feeling to the Holy Spirit, to allow the Holy Spirit to show me the truth behind the picture.

The power to decide is mine (and each one of ours). We alone are each responsible for whether we dilly-dally, or whether we exercise our power of decision by allowing the Holy Spirit to be our guide.

My peace is BACK, baby!

And all is well.

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ACIM Q&A Day: How to work with social anxiety and self-consciousness?

Aug 012012

I’ve never considered myself to have social anxiety, but there are definitely times when I feel more outgoing than others. I’m naturally on the quiet side.

I took the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (a personality indicator) years ago when I was in college. I scored a strong “E” for extroverted. I “recharged my battery” by interacting with other people and being social.

After embarking on an inward journey, developing a meditation routine, and developing a relationship with my Inner Guide, things started to shift. When I took the Myers Briggs many years later, my “E” score switched to an “I” for Introverted. I now get my energy from going within, being reflective, keeping myself company, and enjoying silence.

I was at a social gathering recently with a group of beautiful people, but I found that as friends, we really do not have much in common. No one digs the spiritual work I’m into, and there are very few commonalities that we share. While getting ready for the gathering, I noticed feeling pressure to look a certain way (i.e. I feared my unpainted toenails might be judged as “gross”). Fears of being judged for bare toenails took over, so I painted on some funky royal blue nail polish! (How insane is fear!)

Who is doing the judging though? Is it them? Or is it me? I’m willing to look…

I’d like to think that it is “them.” “They” are the ones judging “me” and causing me to feel self-conscious. This keeps ME separate from THEM and UNABLE to do anything about it except judge back or avoid the situation. In this way, our egos all stay alive and well. I am holding them to their ego identities, and I’m holding myself to my ego identity. I’m externalizing cause (something outside of me is causing me to feel the way I feel).

The Course, however, much to my ego’s dismay, is teaching me that I am the one doing the judging FIRST. I’m judging in many ways… that “they” should be different than they are, that “they” are something separate from me, and on a deep level, I am judging that I WANT them to be separate from me because I WANT to stay in this dream of separation. I “hired” them to help me keep the separation going.

It is so funny that the entire time I was at this party, I didn’t think of the Holy Spirit once! I completely forgot about Him/Her. I thought about the Holy Spirit before and after the party, but not while I was sucked into self-conscious mode.

Self-conscious mode = ego alert!

Self-consciousness means you’re conscious of yourself. Which self? The small ego self.

Self-consciousness is the PERFECT ego ploy to keep you believing that you’re limited to a personality with a body. It is also a perfect barometer for indicating who you are siding with. If you’re siding with the ego, self-consciousness will feel strong. If you’re siding with the Holy Spirit and therefore conscious of your Self (Higher Self), the peace will flow.

Everything that I’m experiencing is coming from my mind, which is divided between Truth and a dream. It is the split part of my mind (which WANTS the dream) that calls forth witnesses to keep me believing that I am a body.

I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked. - A Course in Miracles (T-21. II.2)

If I am choosing for the separation and following the ego as my guide, I WILL call forth witnesses that “prove” that the separation is real. I will receive as I have asked. If I am choosing to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I will call forth witnesses that show me that only Love is real. Again, I will receive as I have asked.

Does this mean that we need to master this and stay in situations where we are uncomfortable? Certainly not. But “discomfort is aroused only to bring the need for correction into awareness” (T-2.V.7). So if we’re experiencing discomfort, it becomes an opportunity to look at what is coming up WITH the Holy Spirit. That is ALL we have to do – we give our willingness to the Holy Spirit in exchange for the miracle instead.

Making decisions

Mar 112012

Do you ever get caught up in trying to make a decision?

You want to make the “right” decision, and so you labor over what to do, perhaps weighing the pros and cons, feeling concerned about the outcome. This can take on endless forms, from being afraid of making a wrong business decision, to being unsure about how to handle a conflict with a family member, to wondering if a decision will leave you with enough money afterward. Maybe you always feel the need to bounce your ideas off of other people, only feeling more confident about making a decision once you’ve gotten input.

Or maybe you fall on the other side of the spectrum… you think you know exactly what you want! And so you’re not afraid to make a decision that will get you closer to where you want to be.

The course talks about handing ALL of your decisions over to the Holy Spirit (the ones you are struggling with AND the ones where you think you know what is best). The good news is that we’re only asked to turn ever so slightly to the Holy Spirit, doing so when we can:

Does this mean that you cannot decide anything without consulting Him? No, indeed! That would hardly be practical, and it is the practical with which this course in most concerned. (Manual for Teachers, Section 29, Para.5)

What matters is that we start to build a habit of turning to the Holy Spirit, whenever we remember. If a whole day goes by and you realize you forgot to turn to the Holy Spirit and ask for guidance at all, that is okay. Choose again in that moment to turn within. Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up if you forget or feel unwilling, because guilt is only a way of keeping the ego going.

If you have made it a habit to ask for help when and where you can, you can be confident that wisdom will be given you when you need it. Prepare for this each morning, remember God when you can throughout the day, ask the Holy Spirit’s help when it is possible to do so, and thank Him for His guidance at night. And your confidence will be well founded indeed. (Manual for Teachers, Section 29, Para. 5)

Do you know what it feels like to hand a decision over? When was the last time you truly felt like you did so? Has there been a time when you felt complete trust that everything would work out as it should? Did you feel peace with being so open?

Think about 1 thing that you have to decide today. How willing are you to hand it over to the Holy Spirit? If you feel you’re not willing, are you willing to be willing? Find just a tiny bit of willingness and offer it to the Holy Spirit. Take some time to practice handing it over if you feel you keep taking it back. Listen to your heart, and when you’re ready you will hear your answer.

Remember your willingness!

Mar 112012

Willingness is the key to happiness!

Willingness is the foundation on which A Course in Miracles is built. It is the only building material we are asked to supply.

That is why I drew a little willingness reminder on the left side of my webpage (you may have to widen your browser window to see it). We so often forget that the Course actually asks very little of us. We’re the ones that like to complicate things!

Willingness is the precursor to positive change. The Course teaches us that we only need a teeny tiny bit of willingness for massive miracles to happen. We simply connect with our willingness to see things differently, and then offer that willingness to our Inner Guide (aka the Holy Spirit or Inner Teacher). What we exchange our willingness for, is a miracle – a shift in perception.

This handing of our perceptions over to our Inner Guide is the basis of forgiveness. A simple definition of forgiveness is something that is “for giving” to the Holy Spirit. According to the Course, we of ourselves don’t know the true meaning of forgiveness, which has to do with looking past something that hasn’t actually happened. We need our Inner Guide’s help in this process, because it certainly seems like a lot of s**t IS really happening!

“Where is my willingness and how do I find it?”

Often times, if we are open and honest with ourselves, we might notice that we are NOT willing to let go of a grudge, to see something differently, or to forgive. We are stuck in our way of seeing things, and have put up a block to truth and peace. We want it our way! Chances are, we also feel our peace fade away.

Just a tiny bit of willingness is all that we need to connect with in order for a shift to happen.

If I am feeling clear that I really don’t want to hand something to my Inner Guide, there is a process that helps me find my willingness, however removed from the present it may be. So I ask myself the question, “Am I willing to see this differently?” If the answer is “no,” the next question is, “Am I willing to be willing to see this differently?” Even then, sometimes the answer might still be “no” because resistance to forgiveness is too strong. Keep taking it back a level until the tiniest bit of willingness is found… “Am I willing to be willing to be willing to see this differently?” “Yes!” Ahh… there is the tiny bit of willingness. That is all that is needed. The lengthy question itself may sound silly, but it works! Touch that tiny bit of willingness, and keep turning that bit of willingness over to the Holy Spirit. When we’re ready for the shift to happen, it will.